The Unique Guitar Blog: Golden Age Guitar Player Magazine

When the retirement home will not allow your Marshall JTM45 in your room

By William S. Rivolta

"You are old, Father William," the young man said, "And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly play rock and roll, Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

The Author

Well that’s how it all started and why I got stuck here in the Saint Keith Golden Years Home.

"Sonny Boy" did not want his old man to live at his house any longer. His banshee wife Doris did not help things. He said I play guitar too loud and wake up the kids. Doris said, I don't want that old man in my house. He is weird. Well I might be 83, but I still have my chops, and some degree of self worth. Plus it was my house at one time before they moved in.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster
Jam Band

So I am now sharing a double room with Fast Eddie Kaye. Eddie was once the bass player in The Flying Spaghetti Monster Blues Jam Band. Sadly in his later years he became delusional and swore that little men were living in a hollow tree in his yard, where they baked cookies, and wore strange clothing

Eventually Eddie lost his hearing (along with his marbles). His live-in girl, Shandra, left him years ago for a smarmy patchouli oil salesman. But Eddie can't remember any of this, as he is off with the faeries. Eddie does not mind loud music.

He doesn't care if I had my old Marshall JTM45 with the four twelve-speaker cabinet cranked it up to 10, but Saint Keith’s staff said "no, there is not enough room in your half of the room. And your playing bothers everyone in this place."

It is quite frustrating to say the least.

I have my ’57 Les Paul Gold top, but the “Home” won’t let me have a decent amp in my half of the room to plug it into. They say it is because I play too loud, and the amp takes up too much room, so it is a fire hazard. Can you believe that? Rock Music = Loud!

My Practice Amp

I mean how can I guy rock out with a tiny little practice amp? Come on! It just ain’t fair. 3 watts ain't Rock and Roll!

Well, I hear the aide is calling us for dinner. It’s probably pureed meatloaf and red Jello again. I guess I’ll wheel down the hall to the cafeteria.

Where have all the Groupies Gone?

by Syd Hungerdunger

Typical Groupie

I remember those days when the ladies all thought I was cool, and they flocked around me.

I was a rock star. And those girls were all tall and slender, with tight jeans, and hungry eyes.

Former Groupie

But now they have all become grannies wearing polyester pants, flowery blouses, and canvas shoes with Velcro clasps. What happened? I guess Time! And time ain't on our side Mick!

The Author

I suppose I am no prize either. I can't walk anymore, and I have hair growing in strange places. But I still play guitar, and can rock with the best of them, as long as some young fellow wheels my chair out on to the stage and plugs my guitar into my amp. Where have all the groupies gone? They got old. So did I.

How To Transport Your Gear If You Use A Walker Or a Wheelchair.

by Antonio "Big Tony" Capicola

For those of us that have to use a wheelchair or a walker, transporting your gear can present a real challenge.

So do what the pro's do.

Backline Rentals

If the gig pays a lot and you have a contract, in the rider, have the venue hire and pay a 'back line' company at their expense. These are companies that rent equipment, deliver it, and set it up.

They also tear it down, and return it. If it breaks down they fix it. No worries my friend.

They do the work, you play the music, capeesh? You just bring your guitar or bass, and cables in a durable gig bag and let the venue foot the bill.

Small Pedalboard

For smaller clubs or venues, pack your guitar and a small pedal board, with only two or three effects. If possible fit them in your guitar gig bag. Connect them to a Direct Box. Have the sound guy connect it to the mixing console. Un gioco da ragazzi, huh! You can hear yourself in the stage monitor.

Joe Pass, Martin Taylor, Tim Stewart, Tom Schultz, and others, all quit using amplifiers years ago. Scialla!!

When you have more invested in your guitar collection than your 401(k).

by Owen Cash

My Collection

At 81 years old I must have 30 guitars, but the nursing home won’t let me keep them here. These were all valuable American made guitars.

Back in the day we didn’t have Squiers or Korean made Epiphones. Hell, the Epiphones of my day were all built in New York City, so were the Guilds.

In 1950 and '60, most Rockers would not be caught dead playing a made-in-Japan Teisco or Fujigen guitar.

I own Gibsons, Guilds, and Fender guitars. Guys would come up to me after a gig and offer to sell me a guitar. I bought them.

Rickenbacker 330-12

401(k)? All my working life I was self employed and never thought much about retiring and tax deferrals. Why invest in stocks and bonds when you can invest in a tangible Rickenbacker 12 string or a Fender Jazz Bass?

Start Jam Sessions in the Common Room at your Retirement Facility.

by Jerry Attrick

Typical Nursing Home

You made it to 2026, but you are stuck in the home with a bunch of folks, who like you, would rather be at the homes they owned before their kids took possession, sold them, and put their parent's sorry keisters in the old folks home. At our age life is rough, so make the most of it.

I betcha' there are other guys, and gals like you, who used to play live music rocking the crowd, and here they are living in the same facility as you. Now you may have lost your ability to stand up and shake that booty, and make those "rock" poses, but you can still sit there and play your guitar, maybe even sing.

Old Boys Band

My advice: Make friends, discover talent, commandeer the 'common room', and start holding a jam sessions. Life is short, so make the best of your situation and have some fun. Draw a crowd.

Power Chair Now Replaces Power Chords.

by Scooter Rounder

Hiking on the trail

You used to be able to walk. Heck, you walked everywhere. Sometimes it was for work, and sometimes it was for fun. You participated in Volksmarches, and hiked through the woods. You may have just walked to the bar and back. You may have even been into running for fun.

Playin' For The Crowd

And you walked out on stage and played your guitar for the crowd. You knew all of those awesome, crunchy power chords to Smoke On The Water, Honky Tonk Woman, Highway To Hell, and you even owned an original green Tube Screamer pedal. You were the epitome of cool, and had all the right moves.

Life was good, but then you got old, wobbly, and you now need a cane or a walker to haul your sorry butt around. I imagine you no longer even like to go outside.

I've fallen and I can't get up

Perhaps you have 'balance' issues and find it hard to even stand. You sure don't want to fall. Cement is very hard. At our age Hips seem to break quite easily.

Manual Wheelchairs

Well cheer up Sparky! You now need a wheelchair. Certainly pushing the wheels around manually helps to maintain your upper body strength, but that can be difficult if you have an urgent need to get somewhere in a hurry (like to the toilet).

You probably have Medicare, and if you are in a retirement facility, and have little or no income, you may even have Medicaid.

Power Chair

If your doctor deems it "Medically Necessary" you could qualify for a powered wheelchair that you operate with a joystick. With Medicare you are responsible for 20% of the cost, and with Medicaid it might even be free.

Rockin' in the Chair

The benefit of a power chair is that you can strap your guitar or bass gig bag on the chair's back handles. And you can also get your sorry keister outside on nice days and enjoy the weather. Happy travels! Take care of yourself!

Check out the videos below to see how other people cope. Enjoy your Golden Years my friends.

Click on the links below the pictures for sources and information.

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